for striker_eureka

[driftcompatible]

Mako Mori has a secret.

Several, in fact, but this is one of the biggest secrets that she's had to deal with in quite some time, and she doesn't know what to do about it. Raleigh knows - of course he knows, he always knows even when they don't Drift -- it's that pilot to pilot thing, two minds, two hearts coming together as one in the body of that giant machine. It leaves residue, leaves her feeling like she's part of him and he's part of her. One soul, split into two bodies.

He knows. He hasn't said anything to anyone, but he knows.

She's so grateful that he keeps it to himself, but she knows that it won't - can't - stay that way for long. Herc is going to find out why she's not able to pilot right now, why she can't get in the Jaeger and why she's temporarily grounded. Right now, she's made a million excuses but it cannot go on any longer. Someone is gonna figure it out if she doesn't confess, soon.

A few weeks pass and she's put on some weight and she's throwing up every morning when no one is around and -- she can't do it any longer. She sends for him, requesting him to please come to her quarters immediately because there's something she needs to speak with him urgently about, and she waits.

It's the longest wait of her life.

Comments

[driftcompatible]

"I...don't remember." She sounds thoughtful, because that was a long time ago and she's been very involved with the war since she was young.

"I wanted to be happy. I remember that. I would help with my family's land, and think that one day, maybe I would have something similar, and that I would have someone that made my heart sing." She pauses.

"I have one part of that equation, anyway. I don't need a big plot of land. Just you."

[striker_eureka]

"I'm not much of a farmer, love," he teases, his fingertips stroking up and down her spine nice and slow. "Even less of a swordsmith."

But still, he finds himself smiling as she speaks.

"I make your heart sing?"

[driftcompatible]

"Yes." A blush is creeping up her neck and she's glad it's dim in the room.

"You do. If you didn't, we wouldn't even be here."

[striker_eureka]

"Oh Mako."

He presses his lips to her forehead, hugging her close.

"I'm sorry this wasn't something we planned, I don't want you feeling rushed or trapped. But I love you, and I think we can make this work."

[driftcompatible]

"Rushed on one part, maybe." Namely children.

"I really do not think you were ever going to ask."

[striker_eureka]

Herc feels guilt and regret shoot through him in a painful pang, his stomach tight. He's glad he's got her basically tucked under his chin so she can't see the wounded expression on his face.

"I'm sorry," he replies quietly, half a whisper in the darkness.

"I don't ever want you to think I'm ashamed of you. And I do want to marry you, and I would have asked, just... I hadn't planned on it being so soon."

[driftcompatible]

"Don't be sorry." She's equally quiet, curled in close. "I didn't want to push you into anything."

She had thought he was ashamed of her, actually. She isn't bringing that up, though. Not now.

[striker_eureka]

"No, I am," he insists.

"I'm... Not very good at talking." Fucking understatement of the century, look how fucked up his relationship was with Chuck because they couldn't talk about things. "Sometimes I forget that people need things said out loud. And so I don't say things even though I think them and..."

He's not explaining this very well. Dammit.

"The only reason I've been hesitant to tell other people about our relationship is because I don't want them to question your work, your position, your skill. You're very young, sweetheart, and I'm no spring chicken. It would be logical — wrong, but logical — to assume that you being with me meant that I gave you special treatment or promoted you over someone more deserving who wasn't sleeping with me. You're so brilliant, the last thing I wanted was for someone to dismiss your work because they thought you got to where you are on your back."

He winces, knowing he'd fucking this up most likely, but deciding to plough on ahead anyway.

"I should have realized how it might seem to you. I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry. I love you, Mako. You're the most important person in my life, and it kills me to think I've hurt you because I'm stupid and slow."

[driftcompatible]

Mako sighs, just a little bit, because even though he’s not exactly saying it in the best way possible, she knows what it is he’s trying to convey.

“It’s okay.” She shifts a little, wriggling in his arms so that she can prop up on her elbow and look at his face, one finger tracing a line from his ear to his chin and back again.

“I understand.” And she does, now. Whereas before, yes – she’d thought he was ashamed, now it…makes a little more sense. And he’s right, unfortunately. She’s in her mid twenties and he’s double her age – it is logical, yes. She hates it.

“And…you aren’t so bad at talking.” Not anymore. Admittedly he isn’t the best, but…they’re getting there.

[striker_eureka]

"I want to tell everyone," he murmurs, his heart thundering in his chest as he turns his head and kisses her knuckles.

He smiles at her, crooked and open, and sighs a little.

"Yes, I am. You're a saint to put up with me, love."

[driftcompatible]

"Me too."

She drops a light kiss to his forehead, then simply rests against him for a moment, enjoying his warmth and his presence.

"You're better. Not great, but better."