for striker_eureka

[driftcompatible]

Mako Mori has a secret.

Several, in fact, but this is one of the biggest secrets that she's had to deal with in quite some time, and she doesn't know what to do about it. Raleigh knows - of course he knows, he always knows even when they don't Drift -- it's that pilot to pilot thing, two minds, two hearts coming together as one in the body of that giant machine. It leaves residue, leaves her feeling like she's part of him and he's part of her. One soul, split into two bodies.

He knows. He hasn't said anything to anyone, but he knows.

She's so grateful that he keeps it to himself, but she knows that it won't - can't - stay that way for long. Herc is going to find out why she's not able to pilot right now, why she can't get in the Jaeger and why she's temporarily grounded. Right now, she's made a million excuses but it cannot go on any longer. Someone is gonna figure it out if she doesn't confess, soon.

A few weeks pass and she's put on some weight and she's throwing up every morning when no one is around and -- she can't do it any longer. She sends for him, requesting him to please come to her quarters immediately because there's something she needs to speak with him urgently about, and she waits.

It's the longest wait of her life.

Comments

[striker_eureka]

Herc really should know better. After all, he's been married, he's done this thing before. He should be able to recognize the warning signs. But Mako had insisted that she was on the implant, even showed him the tiny little bar under the skin of her arm, had promised that they had nothing to worry about. And, like any fool in love, he had listened to her and agreed. (Not that he thinks being in love with her is foolish, no way. Loving Mako is probably the smartest thing he's done in years.)

So really, he should have guessed.

Sure, he noticed her putting on a little weight, her middle thickening slightly, her body becoming more plush against his, but he had just written it down to her not training as often now that the kaiju war is over and she and Raleigh are only piloting Miracle for fun under the guise of constant readiness.

They don't sleep in the same bed often, and he has a demanding schedule, which means he doesn't see her morning sickness. And the rare time he did, she had passed it off as a stomach bug and he had believed her.

Why would she lie to him, after all?

The day he gets her summons, Herc is supposed to be tuning in to a teleconference with the Marshals of the other Shatterdomes, reinstated to their positions by reluctant members of the PPDC top brass. But he has enough time to swing by her room, anxiety twisting in his gut. What on earth could be wrong? She's not breaking up with him, is she? He hopes not. He's been treating her well, even Raleigh — who will never forgive him for this, Herc knows that — has to admit that. It can't be because of that.

So what is it?

[driftcompatible]

When prompted (because he is going to prompt, she knows that), she's not sure what she's going to say. She doesn't know what happened -- how it failed, why it failed. She just -- doesn't know. She's got no answers for him and that makes her nauseated, because the last thing that she wants is for him to think that she's tricking him into anything.

If she was doing that, she would wait longer to tell him -- as it is now, it's still possible to...stop it.

She hadn't even known what it was, not at first. The weight gain, the sickness -- could've been a bug, could've been due to not training. A few weeks of the same shit over and over...

That's no coincidence.

When he knocks, Mako is slow to answer and when she does, her head is bowed and she's not looking at him.

"Come in."

[striker_eureka]

The fact it takes her a while to answer the door when he's almost certain she's just waiting for him makes a knot of dread settle low in his stomach. That she's not even looking at him when she does? Makes it even heavier.

"Mako, love," he says, stepping inside and already reaching for her.

"What's the matter?" Please tell me I didn't do something wrong.

[driftcompatible]

"I'm sorry," she tells him, looking down at the floor. She's not running from him or trying to dance around anything. The time for that is over, especially now that she's so sure. "I don't know what happened, Hercules. It should have been good for five years, but--"

She swallows, sucks in a breath and looks up at him, eyes wet but they don't drop tears.

"But the...implant failed. I'm--"

Pregnant.

[striker_eureka]

He has no idea what she's talking about, but the terrified expression on her face has him pulling her closer.

She doesn't have to finish that sentence for him to know where it's going.

"Oh."

Oh shit. Oh god, she's pregnant, what the fuck. How are they going to deal with this?

The idea of descending into a panicked meltdown is really tempting, but Mako looks so scared and guilty, like this is somehow her fault which is just so ridiculous, that Herc forces himself to pull it together.

"Okay," he rasps, pulling her into his arms for a hug. "Okay. I'm not going to ask if you're sure, because...y'know. I'm sure you're sure."

[driftcompatible]

"I'm sure." Absolutely sure. 100% sure.

Five tests later kind of sure.

"I'm so sorry," she gasps, trembling a little bit in his arms, because she's certainly not expecting a hug. "It's not too late...I didn't-- I didn't wait to long."

[striker_eureka]

He frowns down at her.

"Wait too long for..." And then it hits him. She didn't wait too long for an abortion, oh god what kind of man does she think he is? His arms tighten around her, crushing her a little against his chest, and he presses his face to her hair.

"Do you want—" He has to pause to lick his lips and try again.

"Is that what you want? I know you're young, you shouldn't... It's okay."

[driftcompatible]

She feels so, so guilty. Like...she's somehow managed to mess everything up. She doesn't know how it happened or why it happened, only that it did and someone high up above must be really upset for her to let it happen.

And he's asking her all of these difficult questions she doesn't know the answer to because she has no idea how he feels. She gives him this helpless kind of look -- the kind that says please help me I don't know what to do and pulls back, hands going to her head.

"Do--is that what you want?"

[striker_eureka]

The very thought of fatherhood again is nearly enough to send him spiraling into a panic attack, his nerves unable to deal with the idea that he's going to fuck up again, he's going to make the same mistakes he did with Chuck, there's going to be another child out there who shares half his genes who hates him and wishes they were never born.

How can he do that to someone?

But looking at Mako, knowing that she'll do what he wants despite her own wishes — if she's ever thought or wished about this before — makes something inside him crumble.

"Mako, sweetheart. I want whatever will make you happy. If you don't think you're ready for a baby then I won't ask you to carry it. If you want to, though, then... That's okay too."

His voice is a little choked up and his hands are shaking with fear, but he's serious.

"I'm not... I'm not going t make you do something you don't want to."

[driftcompatible]

Mako is perceptive. She does not have the connection with Herc that she does with Raleigh, but she is smart, and she is perceptive, and she sees the look in his eyes and the way his hands are trembling when he holds her and how his voice catches mid sentence.

"I messed up," she whispers, "I messed up, and I don't know what to do."

[striker_eureka]

"No." He's very firm on this, pulling away enough that he can cup her face in his hands and make her look at him. "Mako, no. You did nothing wrong."

Maybe...aw, hell, he has no idea. Something must have gone wrong with the implant. Maybe she lost track of when it had been put in, but that's not like her. Maybe something to do with Jaeger tech or Drifting or the radiation exposure of Gipsy Danger had screwed with the hormone release.

He doesn't know.

But he does know that none of this is her fault.

"It's okay, sweetheart. We'll figure this out together. There's plenty of time to decide what to do."

[driftcompatible]

"Not much."

Not plenty, Herc. She will only wait so long before that isn't an option anymore.

"I promise, I did not do this on purpose." It feels important that he know that, and she hopes that he believes her. "I would not do that to you."

[striker_eureka]

"Enough that we don't have to decide right now."

He has absolutely no idea what he wants to do. He's not sure he could handle being a father again, but he is absolutely not going to make Mako get an abortion if she doesn't want one. And he's not going to dump her for this, either. They did this together, they're going to stick it out together, no matter what they decide.

"Oh, love."

He pulls her in close and kisses her hair, breathing in the smell of her shampoo and her perfume and trying to ground himself in it. "I know."

[driftcompatible]

"Okay."

That -- helps, that she doesn't have to decide anything right this second. It makes her appreciate him even more, and as she's wrapped up in his arms she sighs and presses her face to his chest, eyes closing.

"We will talk about it later."

Tonight, tomorrow. Soon -- but not this second.

[striker_eureka]

He strokes her hair gently, glad that his hands have stopped shaking, even if he's still terrified out of his mind.

"Can I get you anything?"

Because he's planning on staying here for the foreseeable future, staying with her until she tells him to go.

[driftcompatible]

"No. I'm okay."

Sort of. Not really -- but in a way, she is. It could have gone so much worse, and she knows that this isn't something that he wants but...

His reaction is...well, it's not good, but it wasn't horrible.

"Don't you have a meeting?"

[striker_eureka]

"Fuck my meeting."

He needs a little time to come to grips with the new reality of his life. And if that requires a nap so he can have a panic attack without upsetting her, then so be it.

Meetings are suddenly at the bottom of his list of priorities.

"I'm not going anywhere until you want me to go."

[driftcompatible]

Mako gives him a look, but she doesn't argue.

"I don't want you to go." She releases him and steps back, hands on his arms.

"But you should tell them you are cancelling. You are the Marshal. You cannot leave them hanging in limbo. I will wait here."

[striker_eureka]

"This is a family emergency. It trumps my meeting."

He doesn't think he can handle sitting in front of that screen while the knowledge that Mako is pregnant is bouncing around in his head.

[driftcompatible]

She gives his shoulder a little shake to make sure he's listening to her.

"Go cancel. Come back right away. Okay?"

[striker_eureka]

"Okay."

He pauses before he leaves, though, tucking his fingers under her chin and lifting her face so he can kiss her.

"I'll be right back."

[driftcompatible]

Mako smiles at him, because for all his cleverness, he is still such a man sometimes.

"I'll be here."

Sitting on the bed, legs pulled up with her arms around them, door unlocked. She's patient. She'll wait.

[striker_eureka]

"Okay."

He's reluctant to go, but she has a point. He needs to go deal with his meeting and shit, and he wants to have a quiet freak out where he won't upset her.

"I love you," he blurts out, one hand on the doorframe, hesitating for a minute before he goes.

[driftcompatible]

That has her looking up at him, eyes starting to shine because that's the first time he's ever uttered those words to her, and he's too far away. She gets up onto her feet and crosses the small room, pulling him back into her arms and down for a deep kiss.

"I love you too, Hercules."

[striker_eureka]

He clings to her, clearly scared but since when has being scared ever stopped him from doing the right thing? He's Hercules fucking Hansen, he's faced down world-destroying monsters, he can handle a pregnancy.

"We'll be okay." He kisses her again, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs. "I promise."